~I don't know~

hmm...now is oredi third sem...alot things happened till now...but yesterday is most different. I told my frens one of my secrets that i kept for 2-3 years...i love her for quite a long time...but got alot of other feelings confuse me...
flashback....that time i was form 2...i like her...but got rejected...everytime tried to get close but failed...even with my friends supporting...and then time pass...i wanted to forget her...then started liking other girls...actually that time i already let the feelings go...but then..it was form 4-5....she suddenly came and we started to get close...the feelings from before start to come back...i didn't tell anyone how i felt back then...just kept it to myself and act as usual...but i really wanted people to know but i just cant say it...she became my kai mui...and my friend and I are her kai gor. She usually come to us. Our time together was wonderful..but sometimes there was ups and downs also...haha...i'm very happy when i'm around her...but i didn't say it out to anyone...when she leave..there's always this pain in my chest...but everytime i tried to endure it...maybe i just don't want people to know of this secret...just wanna be brother and sisters??!

actually...i'm not sure myself...i want to be more than a brother to her...to care for her, protect her, love her...but i'm not sure what she feel about me...probably just a brother? hmm...yesterday go friends house to share secrets...then i really wanted to tell this secret out...actually i felt better...after telling....like there's always been something there...then now it's gone...but i feel really painful....i can't even sleep...its too painful....

when i think about it...i like the relationship we are in...but..i'm just scared if i tell her...everything will be over...when i'm with her...i always feel at ease and comfortable...even when talking over the phone.....and yesterday went out with her and my friends....everytime i wanted to get close to her..but i always try to limit myself...and create a distance around her...sometimes get jealous of her with other guys...but also..i tried to endure it...somehow...its always bothering it....now...i don't know what i should do....i just know that i'm in love with her...