the pain inside me...it's killing me.....i don't know what i should do...i like the relationship that we are in....but i want to be more than that to her....but i also scared that it will be worse....later can't even be her friend...how?
should I? should I not?
I feel so pathetic right now.......maybe to my frens...this is hard to believe? haha...I don't know what to tell them...I've been keeping this secret all along...act differently to my feelings...so that no one will found out...
maybe this is not a good time to reveal the secret...maybe should keep for another few years? but it's already too late...can't go back...that's probably why i abit regret...
i miss her.....
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
~I don't know~
hmm...now is oredi third sem...alot things happened till now...but yesterday is most different. I told my frens one of my secrets that i kept for 2-3 years...i love her for quite a long time...but got alot of other feelings confuse me...
flashback....that time i was form 2...i like her...but got rejected...everytime tried to get close but failed...even with my friends supporting...and then time pass...i wanted to forget her...then started liking other girls...actually that time i already let the feelings go...but then..it was form 4-5....she suddenly came and we started to get close...the feelings from before start to come back...i didn't tell anyone how i felt back then...just kept it to myself and act as usual...but i really wanted people to know but i just cant say it...she became my kai mui...and my friend and I are her kai gor. She usually come to us. Our time together was wonderful..but sometimes there was ups and downs also...haha...i'm very happy when i'm around her...but i didn't say it out to anyone...when she leave..there's always this pain in my chest...but everytime i tried to endure it...maybe i just don't want people to know of this secret...just wanna be brother and sisters??!
actually...i'm not sure myself...i want to be more than a brother to her...to care for her, protect her, love her...but i'm not sure what she feel about me...probably just a brother? hmm...yesterday go friends house to share secrets...then i really wanted to tell this secret out...actually i felt better...after telling....like there's always been something there...then now it's gone...but i feel really painful....i can't even sleep...its too painful....
when i think about it...i like the relationship we are in...but..i'm just scared if i tell her...everything will be over...when i'm with her...i always feel at ease and comfortable...even when talking over the phone.....and yesterday went out with her and my friends....everytime i wanted to get close to her..but i always try to limit myself...and create a distance around her...sometimes get jealous of her with other guys...but also..i tried to endure it...somehow...its always bothering it....now...i don't know what i should do....i just know that i'm in love with her...
flashback....that time i was form 2...i like her...but got rejected...everytime tried to get close but failed...even with my friends supporting...and then time pass...i wanted to forget her...then started liking other girls...actually that time i already let the feelings go...but then..it was form 4-5....she suddenly came and we started to get close...the feelings from before start to come back...i didn't tell anyone how i felt back then...just kept it to myself and act as usual...but i really wanted people to know but i just cant say it...she became my kai mui...and my friend and I are her kai gor. She usually come to us. Our time together was wonderful..but sometimes there was ups and downs also...haha...i'm very happy when i'm around her...but i didn't say it out to anyone...when she leave..there's always this pain in my chest...but everytime i tried to endure it...maybe i just don't want people to know of this secret...just wanna be brother and sisters??!
actually...i'm not sure myself...i want to be more than a brother to her...to care for her, protect her, love her...but i'm not sure what she feel about me...probably just a brother? hmm...yesterday go friends house to share secrets...then i really wanted to tell this secret out...actually i felt better...after telling....like there's always been something there...then now it's gone...but i feel really painful....i can't even sleep...its too painful....
when i think about it...i like the relationship we are in...but..i'm just scared if i tell her...everything will be over...when i'm with her...i always feel at ease and comfortable...even when talking over the phone.....and yesterday went out with her and my friends....everytime i wanted to get close to her..but i always try to limit myself...and create a distance around her...sometimes get jealous of her with other guys...but also..i tried to endure it...somehow...its always bothering it....now...i don't know what i should do....i just know that i'm in love with her...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)